Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
