She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
