I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
