I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
why didn't you poke me back
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
