Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
