I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
