Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
