dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No subtext here. People are naked.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
they're like a gay fantastic four
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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