it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
