Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
