I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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