is your mom at the bar?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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