Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you made out with another girl for some wings
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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