I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
