doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
