I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
worst night to have a conscience
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
