I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Text me some of your sweat
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