Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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