i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
