someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize