I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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