the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
