I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
