I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
