we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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