Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize