Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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