You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
