I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
