genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
