CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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