I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Don't tell me you're on acid again
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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