I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
