I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
