you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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