Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
