actually, I'm a sock model
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Come on in and take your pants off
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
