Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
