im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My dick has a subreddit
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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