i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
