i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
