He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
