I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
