He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
