and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
