either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
