I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
