We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
