I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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