Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
