You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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