She's JV to your varsity
Non-Jews are for practice
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Randomize
