HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
