he puts the penis in happiness.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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