1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
