i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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