God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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