Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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