you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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