my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Every concussion has its silver lining
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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