2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize