I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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