Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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