dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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